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27/06/2019: Roger D Parrish Arrives in Style

A new face around Farkham Hall these days is the long lost brother of our very own appallingvicarbastard, Ivor Parrish. It seems that the brother in question, Roger, has fallen on hard times so has turned up to take advantage of family hospitality for a while.

Not that if I had to choose someone to offer hospitality, would it be the ultra-conservative, almost puritanical Ivor Parrish, however, needs must when the devil drives and all that.

From what I can glean, Roger D Parrish had also been a man of the cloth, but had been de-frocked after a scandal surrounding the arrival of a local widow on the vicarage doorstep, asking after her family jewels, which Roger had taken away 'for valuation'. Having just paid off a large gambling debt to local bookie, Ernie 'Toecutter' Malevolic, suspicion fell on Roger's motives and the Bishop quietly had him removed from the clergy.

Not long after arrival in the area, Roger D Parrish has been seen out and about with the 88 year old widow, Effie Farr-Quinnell, Mother of my very good friend, Frankie. His appearance has improved somewhat too since arrival. Coincidentally, being the same size as the late Sandford Farr-Quinnell, his wardrobe seems to have had a bit of a boost.

It seems that Effie has also made the family jalopy available to Roger, who has been using it enthusiastically, travelling to the nearby racecourse at Steeple Rasen as often as twice a week. The 1936 Bentley was Sandford's pride and joy, and stands out among the crowd of Range Rovers and assorted 4x4 trucks in the Steeple Rasen car park.

Both Frankie and his wife Andrea have raised concerns with Effie, but she keeps insisting that "Roger is such a nice boy, and he has had such a hard time, he needs a bit of help and a break.". The appallingvicarbastard, Ivor Parrish, seems to be almost relieved that his long-lost (and wished he had remained so) brother is now spending more time at the home of the widowed Effie, than disrupting the relative peace and quiet of his vicarage.

Their concerns were heightened just last week, when Jeremiah Stoneheart, from the Farr-Quinnell family solicitors, Stoneheart, Callous and Crassworthy arrived at the family home, asking them to leave as he had called to discuss a 'private and confidential' matter with Effie. Naturally, worries about an inheritance, purely to pay for Lucy-Louise's education of course, came to the fore of their minds. I don't know why they are so worried, Lucy-Louise is in her 20s now and left Farkham Academy some time ago.

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