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03/11/2014: Tintern Pravda Breaks News of Merriwether Ffoggy-Ddonington's Fateful Ascent of Byeckthatsbetterpetal

A recent startling discovery may lead to the closing of the final chapter in the life of charismatic explorer and adventurer, Merriwether Ffoggy-Ddonington. His life, or more appropriately, the lack of it has been a mystery since early 1919.

On a February morning, his expedition to celebrate the end of the Great War by climbing Yorkshire's highest peak, Byeckthatsbetterpetal, using no special equipment. Without the aid of breathing equipment, ropes, crampons, pitons or even a map, he bravely set off. Never to be seen again it has been believed.

However, a recent find close to the North Face of Byeckthatsbetterpetal could well be the body of Ffoggy-Ddonington. A decomposed corpse found there, dressed only in the remains of a tweed jacket, plus-fours and stout brogues fits the description of the explorer the last time he was seen. There is also a copy of his book "Mountaineering for Real Men" laying close by. Only seven copies were ever sold, so that narrows the search for the explorer down.

The Ffoggy-Ddonington family has welcomed news of the find that will allow a decent burial of "Great Uncle Merriwether", allowing the family to come to terms with his loss, nearly a century ago.

Arguments are already raging about whether Lord Ffoggy-Ddonington was still ascending Byeckthatsbetterpetal when he fell to his death from the hitherto impossible North Face, or indeed as some maintain, he had achieved the summit and was killed on his descent.

Teams of researchers are working towards the truth of this and we will be keeping close to his local family to report the findings as they arrive.

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